The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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