I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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