I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
