I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
