He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
