idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she told me i tasted like america
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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