he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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