Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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