Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
