I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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