Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
