I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
