So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
