The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
