you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
