I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
