I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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