i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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