I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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