so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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