I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize