i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
