Screwed.edu
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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