porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I deserve this hangover.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
