So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
