White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
