okay pat passed out under dana's car
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
