We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
