Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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