The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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