Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
