i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
