Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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