Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
