don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
did i just pee glitter
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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