So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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