Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
