I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
