and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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