Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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