Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
