Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
