sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
