New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
