I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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