I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
