apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
