Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
