I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
