It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
