I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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