I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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