discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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