Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
