Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
