Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
