I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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