my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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