my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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