His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
