I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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