woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
