is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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