I just made out with a guy for $7.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
