it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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