listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
