You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
