Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize