my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize