i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
