I need to stop coming to work sober
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
