well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
