Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
