Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
