You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
