These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize