i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
