I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
