lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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